November 2011
2 posts
Anonymous.
Someone smart gave me this.
How to Drive Yourself Crazy 1. Save your major worries until about midnight. Then start heavy thinking. Suggested topics include poverty in your old age, losing your job, the mistake that you made at work last week that they haven’t discovered yet, that suspicious wart that you’ve had for five years. You should work up a good panic by 1 a.m.
2. Keep an...
August 2011
1 post
The Judgment Bell
I won’t make apologies for waiting so long to post something to my “other” blog (by which I mean this one). I have very recently embarked on a path that moves me through my life without criticism and judgment. I won’t be embarassed or made guilty for not posting more regularly. In 100 years, this won’t matter.
Imagine that.
Today, I learned about a sort-of...
May 2011
8 posts
Two things on hump day.
It is hump day and I am cranking on the grump.
1) The summer road trip is going to be less planned than I expected because the campgrounds don’t take reservations. This will be a test of my ability to remain calm without confirmation numbers.
2) I don’t have a lunch buddy, and this makes me sad, jealous, cranky, frustrated, lonely, ornery, mean and fussy. These behaviors may have...
Mother's Day for everyone!
This weekend, I celebrated “Mother’s Day for Peace” with Georgia WAND, Winona LaDuke and the Indigo Girls. This annual fundraiser celebrates mothers of all types: human, animal, earth.
Here’s to my sweet mom ———->
Every year I go to Mother’s Day, and I leave on fire to make some changes to my life and to the world around me. I also feel...
2 tags
Homeownership: General, Part 2.
Co-homeownership
I need to work harder at being a better co-homeowner. I’m sure Michael would agree. Although I enjoy decor-related projects, it’s Michael who will always bear the brunt of the homeownership. Paying the mortgage on time, mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters, calling the plumber when things break.
Thank you Michael Diffenderfer, for all that you do to make our cute...
4 tags
Homeownership: General, Part 1.
Homeownership
One of the things that seems to consume my life these days is homeownership. Many ever-changing moving parts make homeownership an uphill battle, and one, I must add that should not be entered lightly. Or at least, not without a partner who takes it heavily.
It was my idea to buy a house. I have various opinions about government spin and financial marketing that promoted this...
3 tags
The Great American Roadtrip
When my plans for visiting Sweden this spring fell through, I wanted to use my two weeks vacation on an epic replacement. While our plans are not very truly epic, they are by far the largest, most ambitious plans Team Diffenderfer has heretofore undertaken. And I must say, boy howdy, is I’m stoked!
The main point of this trip is to visit friends in Iowa City, Austin, Houston and New...
April 2011
3 posts
3 tags
Gimme a Break
Give me a break from coffee, cokes, takeout lunches and 3 pm vending machine interludes. I feel exhausted and blubbery and my skin is so very sad. I’m ready for a detox, except for a number of issues:
1) When I am stressed or bored, I eat food. 2) I have no self control, and completely lack discipline.
I am in love with the idea of eating healthy snacks and doing yoga and taking...
3 tags
We went to the beach.
When serendipity comes calling, sometimes you have to say, “Oh, fine.”
So we found ourselves on Tybee Island last week. I have a lovely Hipstamatic print of my fabulous sunhat doing its work and proof that I was once in the sun. Plus, we took away something valuable. A Lesson.
Lesson Learned Pro Tip: Don’t go to Tybee probably ever. And if you do, make sure you get a brand new...
Format Change
One day, my pop station turned into conservative talk radio.
Today, this unused blog will also take a turn for the worse.
I’ve gotten sort of edgy about how Doodling is only for when I actually sit down to write, which is, you know, never. And Movies We’ve Seen can really only be updated with information pertaining to films, filmmaking, celebrity and other movie-related mumbo jumbo.
...
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
1 post
Afternoon Jitters
Hello.
I inadvertently drank too much coffee and ate too little food today. I currently feel rather like death, thank you for asking.
Or maybe, if I thought about it, the sensation could be described as “the feeling I imagine one has in the moments before death.” Or potentially, “the feeling of feeling?”
Every molecule buzzes. The ones in my arms, my hands and fingers. I...
March 2010
1 post
Dreams
You know how in dreams you will name a place a familiar name, and it will look like a familiar place, but the two don’t match up? That happened last night. Which is how I ended up being a waitress at a restaurant that was called Shaun’s, but looked like Schilling’s. It was filled with talented wait staff who could sing and dance and play instruments, but not in a Johnny Rockets...
February 2010
2 posts
Decision 2010
Approach a decision as a scientist. Hypothesize, research, result, conclusion.
Approach a decision as an artist. Look, listen, feel, choose.
Approach a decision as a square. Pros, cons, lists, decide.
Approach a decision as a child. Consider the immediate, the distant. Grab.
Approach a decision as a first-time homebuyer.
Ugh. Can’t.
Anthropology
Why do we anthropomorphize our technologies?
You say, “the printer isn’t talking to the computer.”
“The back-end function must understand the logic.”
“The script will call the database.”
Thankfully my printer doesn’t talk to me. If it did, maybe the fellas from Office Space would be brought to justice.
Not for their thievery
but for their...
January 2010
1 post
November 2009
3 posts
1:00
I set a timer and started typing. Just in case anything weird happened. Since I have recently decided to claim my Twi-hardiness, I started with:
Billy Burke.
1:00. Go.
Billy Burke mustache ryan burruss benji barton stephen whatshisface, james james burman mr smiley guy smiley muppets dr teeth janice dogs die in hot cars i love you i love you i love you i love you cuz i have to phoenix print ICE...
A situation.
A. Bruce. I’ve never considered myself to be a calm or rational person. Parts of my personality crave logic and efficiency, but most often, I am a paranoid, accusatory person who seethes with rage on a fairly regular basis. In a comic book, I could be an unlikely hero. But in real life, people just hate me. See what I did there? Accusatory. Paranoid. When I am not full of hate, I am still...
Pieces of things. One.
I grew up with all of my family close by. The close ones were less than a block away and the distant ones still qualify as Atlantans these days. I babysat my younger cousins and mowed my Grandma’s yard on weekends while my dad and she sat on the front steps smoking cigarettes being particular. They’d make sure I was wearing shoes so I wouldn’t shear off my toesies, and then give...
October 2009
2 posts
September 2009
8 posts
Office Supply: Part Five: Five Haikus about a...
1. Part of a desk set Matching pen and paperweight Open my letters.
2. Knife is my cousin I guess sharp is relative Letter opener.
3. You are not a knife. If looks could kill, you still can’t. Letter opener.
4. Stupid bills to pay. Some things should stay unopened; I can’t afford that.
5. Watch out for that guy, He will fucking cut a bitch. Or try, anyway.
a haiku with laura
your bangs look so good i am thrilled to see you girl let’s be friends for now.
-righteous, 9/10/09
Pre-Insomnia
It’s unusual for me to lie awake in bed at night. Normally, it is my head -> pillow -> dreamland. I go to bed early. I sleep late. I require nice sheets. There are pillow tops and egg crates and silk satin adorning my pre-marital bed.
My mother calls me “The Princess and the Pea,” which is a pretty bizarre name if you stop to think about it.
At any rate I was awake....
Office Supply: Part Two: The Staple Remover
Why does it have to always be this way or that way? That you have to be mean or nice? Soft or hard? People always think I am some kind of bitch just because my teeth are sharp and I resemble somewhat a shark’s skeleton, dangling heavily from the ceiling. Need I remind you that my curves are soft plastic buffers? Gently supporting your delicate fingers while you so viciously use me to vent...
Office Supply: Part One: The Mouse.
He sits alone on a plastic slab, wanting to chew through to find what is underneath. But he found he could not, for he had no teeth. He senses the nearness of others of his kind, but they are distant too; cut off somehow by insurmountable obstacles. He desires to go to them, but he found he could not, for he had no legs. He wishes to scale the walls, balancing, tip-toeing along the edge of...
May 2009
1 post
Warning: On Whether To Graduate from College
MAY 18, 2009
1.A Senioritis is a documented problem. In high schoolers it manifests largely as fatigue, rebellion and increased disregard for rules - particularly those handed down by parents, teachers and managers of mall staples such as Hollister, Hot Topic and Auntie Anne’s Pretzels. Private high schools have led the charge to energize these suffering students with such hopefully-named...
March 2009
1 post
some words that are lined up.
ONE.
my mom says there is always a silver lining i think that’s cool. not really. i think that’s bullcrap. she also says mind over matter which makes sense in theory but rarely in practice. that’s just the way it is. **********************************
TWO.
one day i opened my eyes and i saw the sun. i stopped to smell the roses. just kidding. i didn’t do that....